Off the wagon?

Apologies for the lack of posts, we moved house and we were without internet for three weeks and then once we got it back I just couldn't be arsed, I think I have lost my mojo.

I have to admit I am really struggling lately, by last week I was already at a low point, I've been doing this for so long now I think I am over it, well and truly. But then my DH left to go to a work conference and to show his English cousin around Perth and the South West of WA. He is gone for 12 days, that's 12 days of feeding just me and Jazz and worse, 12 days straight of work (there is only me and him at our workplace so since he is gone I have to hold the fort).

When DH is away I usually don't sleep well but this new house has added a totally new dimension to my insomnia with a whole new set of unfamiliar creaks and groans. I'm awake until 2-3am when my eyes finally close with exhaustion. I get up, go out, spend all day at work, I come home, I tidy the house, do the dishes and some laundry and then before I know it it's dinnertime and I'm so physically and mentally tired that I just cant be bothered even trying to think of something healthy so I've eaten pretty badly this week with chips and pizza amongst my dietary indiscretions. At least I am only eating crap at dinner time though, I'm not indulging in lollies, cakes and biscuits like I would have before, that counts for something right?

I didn't have a loss at all last week but by some miracle I am actually at my lowest weight so far and within tantalising reach of the 60kg mark, strangely though I am not happy. I don't know if it's the bad food and lack of exercise that is discouraging me or if the dissatisfaction of life in general is all catching up but I am currently less satisfied with myself than I was 5kgs ago, go figure? I look at myself in the mirror and although I know I am so much smaller than I was 8 months ago I still don't like what I see because before I was just unhappy with my size overall. Now however I see the individual faults, they are alot more obvious, I see a flabby belly, big arse and thunder thighs. Also now that I am thinner, if I eat alot it actually makes my belly stick out and I hate that, a 300gm weight gain feels like 2kgs.

That's pretty fucking sad isn't it?

Anyway this blog is about the weight loss and I have lost weight so I guess I should post the numbers.

24/8 63.1kgs, -1kg
31/8 62.5kgs, -600gms
14/9 62.2kgs, -300gms
21/9 61.6kgs, -600gms
28/9 61.1kgs, -500gms
05/10 61.1kgs, no change :(

Progress Pics

Well I said a few weeks ago I'd post some progress pics but I didn't like any that we took, so last week we took some more and I decided they were passable. I've cut off my head though 'cos it looks feral. While I can still see plenty of podgy bits and I am not entirely happy with how I look I am really seeing the benefits of all my hard work.

Look how big my butt and gut were!!!

Set 1, Feb 09, approx 80kgs (178lbs), size 14-16
Set 2, Aug 09, 63kgs, size (138lbs) 10-12

The good, the bad and the ugly

Well for starters my Monday weigh in was really good, I was another kilo down so that means I have lost the 1.5kgs I gained in Melbourne plus a bit more and am now officially at my lightest weight this year, and possibly even my lightest weight in about 10 years. But I can't be sure about that because until this year I had a long standing tradition of not weighing myself. But all up that is something to be happy about, and it sadly concludes the "good" bit of the title.

On the opposite end of the scale we have had a totally shit week at work, I'm not going into details, mainly because I am so apathetic right now I just can't be fucked but the short story is that two people are being expected to do the work of about five, and we work 7 days per week between the two of us (Hubby and I) and haven't had a day off work together since April when our 83 year old Volunteer finally gave it up. So we're feeling slightly used, unappreciated and taken for granted and I had actually written my resignation letter with every intention of handing it in at the Board meeting this morning but hubby talked me out of it. That's the "bad" bit.

As for the "ugly", well on Wednesday nights I go to a craft group, so to make things easy, rather than the complication of cooking a meal we have what we call our "bitzer" night, that stands for "bits o' this and bits o' that" also know as GYFO: get your fucking own. Anyway to add to all the stress of the week, I was also majorly pre-menstrual and had spent the better part of yesterday afternoon bawling my eyes out, so when it came time for tea I couldn't be arsed and I ended up having two toasted ham and cheese sandwiches. I don't even want to allow my brain to calculate the carbs in 4 slices of bread! And to be honest I didn't even enjoy it, a ham and cheese toasted sanger doesn't taste anywhere near as good as I remember it tasting :(

So it's a big "woe is me" week.

Height: 160cms/5ft3in
Start Date: 28th Dec 2008
Start Weight: 81.4 kgs
Current Weight: 63.1kgs
Lost this week: 1kgs
Total Loss: 18.3kgs
Start BMI: 31.8
Current BMI: 24.6
Goal BMI: 23.4
Goal Weight: 60 kgs
Goal Date: December 2009

A new beginning?

Before I went away interstate I'd had a couple of lousy weeks on the diet where I'd only lost 100 & 300gms respectively. I was starting to worry that I'd hit the dreaded plateau that you hear about so often in diet land.

Since returning home, despite my talk last week of renewed optimism and enthusiasm I've been finding it hard to get back into the groove. I suppose dh and I are both still feeling pretty flat about it all and of course it is very hard to be surrounded by our families and then come back here by ourselves 3000kms away.

I've had trouble with the water as usual - the weather is cool, I just don't get thirsty! And I haven't re-started my nightly stepping yet. I also haven't stuck to the diet 100%. I haven't eaten any really naughty things like cakes, lollies, or choccies but I have had potatoes twice this week. On Friday night I had chips and last night I had an ever-so-small serving of mashed potatoes. Yet, despite that my weigh in this morning was very good.

Perhaps it is too soon since the potatoes and I will pay for that on next weeks weigh in? Or perhaps I really was heading towards a plateau and all the indulgences over those two weeks away have kicked my body into gear and it's now like starting the diet all over again?

Whatever the case I am happy with this mornings numbers and I'm hopeful the good results will continue :)

Height: 160cms/5ft3in
Start Date: 28th Dec 2008
Start Weight: 81.4 kgs
Current Weight: 64.1kgs
Lost this week: 1kgs
Total Loss: 17.3kgs
Start BMI: 31.8
Current BMI: 25
Goal BMI: 23.4
Goal Weight: 60 kgs
Goal Date: December 2009

Gone backwards

prior to weigh in ....

Well I've been really naughty during my 2 weeks away but it has been very emotional and stressful so I gave myself permission to relax the diet a bit, I think I ended up relaxing it alot though. I still had my shakes for breakfast and lunch but I was basically eating normal meals for tea so I've had alot of pasta, rice and potatoes, and unlike us hubbys brother and his wife are big wine drinkers, there was always a bottle of two on the dinner table so I've had a couple of glasses of wine most nights over the last 2 weeks (wine is calorie laden!) and I've had very little water, as far as fluid intake is concerned I've been existing on wine and coke zero. We also had fast food quite a few times, maccas, subway and kfc and to top it off several krispy kremes, cakes and chocolates have passed my lips along with a Gloria Jeans latte almost every day and copious quantities of popcorn at the two movie sessions we went to.

I haven't weighed myself yet but I am dreading it as I know I have put on weight, at least a couple of kilos worth I think, my size 10 jeans still fit but the size 12 bonds boyleg undies are becoming a little snug and I feel fat and bloated :( .
At the time I said it didn't matter and that having come this far (losing 17.5kgs) a backslide of 2kgs wouldn't be hard to deal with but it does feel bad to have made a backwards step.

Anyway we're home now so it's back on the wagon with a vengeance.

after weigh in ....

Well as it turns out it wasn't quite as bad as I expected, I am now 1.2kgs more than my last official weigh in so that means despite all the crap I ate I only put on 1.2kgs while I was away!

Considering I have kind of pigged out for the last two weeks, have hardly had any water and except for a day at the Zoo and 5 hours at a DFO I've had basically zero exercise, my gain was way lower than I expected.

I go back onto the diet today with renewed energy, enthusiasm and optimism :)

Height: 160cms/5ft3in
Start Date: 28th Dec 2008
Start Weight: 81.4 kgs
Current Weight: 65.1kgs
Gained these weeks: 1.2kgs
Total Loss: 16.3kgs
Start BMI: 31.8
Current BMI: 25.4
Goal BMI: 23.4
Goal Weight: 60 kgs
Goal Date: December 2009

I have returned

As many of you already know my MIL passed away in late July. We have just arrived home after spending 2 weeks interstate for the funeral and sorting out the house etc. It's been a very difficult and emotional time.

We're missing our families but I think there is a certain sense of relief and peace at being home and in our own space, DHs brother and his wife are lovely but it can be difficult to relax when you are in someone else's home 24/7 for 2 weeks. We have bought back some photos and some small bits and pieces that belonged to MIL that I need to sort through and find a special place to display.

I look forward to catching up on all your blogs.

B.
xx

It's a new week

After last weeks tonsillitis I had real trouble upping my water intake to it's normal level. Drinking water isn't something that comes naturally to me, I still have to think about it and make myself do it. It was only about Thursday when I actually started to feel really thirsty and my lips felt all dry and shriveled that I started making a concious effort to drink, and even then I wasn't getting as much down as I should have been.

Also being school holidays and being unwell my exercise drive lapsed and I really haven't done much at all over the last two weeks. But, school starts again tomorrow so I have vowed to get back into my normal routine. This week is basically a loss though. It appears my dehydration and my laziness have finally caught up with me as I have only lost 100gms.

However, it's not the end of the world. Provided I can up my water intake and get back on track with my stepping I am confident of a much better result for next Mondays weigh in.

Height: 160cms/5ft3in
Start Date: 28th Dec 2008
Start Weight: 81.4 kgs
Current Weight: 63.9kgs
Lost this week: 100gms
Total Loss: 17.5kgs
Start BMI: 31.8
Current BMI: 25
Goal BMI: 23.4
Goal Weight: 60 kgs
Goal Date: December 2009